Communication Is Hot AF!

So recently I have been exploring my boundaries when it comes to sex and intimacy…

Its been an interesting concept to explore as being in a close loving relationship for 20 years you’d perhaps think it wasn’t something that needed conscious consideration still

I’d taken it for granted how powerful consciously setting intentions, making choices and communicating those to my husband were.

Think about it… if your just dating someone you wouldn’t automatically assume they want to kiss, how they like to be intimate or how or when they like sex. You navigate by communicating and learning about each other.

As we age and grow, we change all the time. I’m definitely not the same person I was even a year ago, are you?

Yet. in long term relationships people easily slip in to habits. I mean, no wonder there are so many unsatisfied couples. I’ve noticed this particularly prevalent in conversations I’ve had over the years with school mum’s. Though its not limited to that demographic at all.

Many people as sexually frustrated, not reaching their full potential or putting up with clumsy lovers that don’t know how to touch them because they’ve never been told how you like it.

When was the last time you discussed, in detail exactly how you like to be touched. Softly, tickled, hard and more dominant?

How do you like foreplay to start? What type of sex do you like? Does your partner know your in to kink or want to try anal?

What do you need after sex to feel secure, safe, loved, appreciated and seen?

How good really are your communication skills?

In a long term relationship its easy for couples to lose the ability to communicate effectively on the mundane stuff like, who didn’t bother clearing up the plates or putting the bin out due to building resentment frustrations and the daily grind if your stuck in those kind of cycles.

Easily done without both partners being very self aware and working together!

I mean, if you struggle to communicate the simplest things together how can you discus this stuff that’s really sensitive and venerable?

How do you expect to get your needs met in the bedroom if you can’t communicate them?

Do you even know what your needs are? … now that’s another post entirely. I’ll err, come, to that another day (pun intended lol)

I want to share with you something that happened last week that sparked this chain of thought for me.

I was listening to a podcast… I LOVE podcasts as I digest the info easily. I find reading dosent sink in so well. I think it was on the Love Drive with Shaun Glanos I forget which one now, but check it out - Its awesome and covers loads of topics.

Anyway, this particular podcast he had a guest on talking about the power of setting intention before having intimate relations.

For example: Each partner sets an intention at the start as an example...

Partner 1: I want to be fully present with you, pleasuring you but I don’t want this to lead to intercourse.
Partner 2: I really value you wish to be present with me and that and respect you’d like to be intimate without it leading to intercourse. I’d like for you to touch all of my body except my nipples or any part of my pussy inside my outer lips. I’d also like you to experience a pleasure, what would that be for you tonight?

How does that sit with you? A little hotter thinking about how that would feel in the moment for you with your lover? Or uncomfortable being so direct?

This is partly just example, but when my self and my partner did this and I realized he really was fully embracing the concept and I trusted he was going to only touch me where I wanted it really turned up the heat!… substantially for both of us!

Because, and I guess I’m mainly speaking to women here, as women our body’s change daily, hormones affect us, how we feel in our skin each day changes. So naturally your body’s response to stimulation changes too.

As do your life experiences and how you feel about those day to day.

Though I trust my husband implicitly and love the connection and intimacy we have built sexually, this was an incredibly powerful moment of empowerment for me. and I for him to having discussed it.

Especially as a rape survivor. I know having this knowledge and these communications skills a few years back when I was deeply in recovery would have been a really helpful tool for me. Even more so for him because he was terrified to touch me in the wrong way, or even at all.

The other thing that happens when we set intention to each other is that the mind starts to work. Your sexuality and turn on starts in the mind, then the body follows.

Which is why its so freaking hard to go from… ‘why aren’t the bins out and who left the washing on the stairs and being mum ect, to that goddess in the bedroom. The brain needs to be pleasured before the body.

Obviously there are several steps between work and mother to goddess but this could be used in so many ways so spice things up.

Imagine text conversations during the day setting intentions, a whisper when you come home from work or the gym and say high with an embrace. Building things up. Communication is HOT AF!

Texting or writing to each other is a great tool for building up your confidence in speaking in such intimate ways and being direct about requests and curious about your partners desires.

Not as sex talk as such but with soul, consideration for your partner and respecting each others requests. Never shaming them whilst being true to your own boundaries.

I hope you enjoyed this racier than normal piece from me. I actually devour this learning and have been gearing myself up for some time to writing about my discoveries and passions around sex and relationships to help empower you. So I’d love to know what your thoughts are and if its helped at all.

PS: Check out The Love Drive podcast! Shaun’s voice and manor is lovely,and the contents really enlightening xx