My Story & How I Came To This Work…

I feel like a bit of my background story, be it shortened, would be helpful for you’re if you’re thinking of working with me. It’s important that you can connect with me on some level, even if your circumstances are completely different.

Or you may just be looking for some reassurance if you’re in a dark space yourself. If that’s the case, I truly hope sharing this helps you.

Life since I was in my mid-teens has been pretty surreal. With every bone in my body I believe what happened and when was divine timing. It was to lead me to this point and it’s my soul’s purpose in this life to use my experiences to help heal and liberate others.

Long story short: After being raped at 15 at a party, I struggled for years in silence having been too scared to tell anyone. My trauma manifested in many ways from insomnia, scrubbing my skin with a nail brush, trashing my room, cleaning, drinking and obsessive thoughts.

Fast forward a few years, I met my husband. After several years of trying for a baby and a traumatic birth, I struggled with post-natal depression. I realised a year later when I trained as a birth Doula, the link between a traumatic birth and sexual assault.  The birth of my second child at home in a pool was very cathartic and helped to heal the first experience in some ways.

A few years later due to a twist of fate, I was forced to tell my husband and family what had happened to me as a teenager. It remains the most terrifying conversation I’ve had to have to date, and there’s been a few. I was seen as the troublesome teen when I was just struggling to deal with sexual trauma, so I was scared of how my truth would be taken.

Within 3 months of that moment, I became suicidal. One day when at home with my then 1 & 3 year old's playing in another room, I broke down. The anger and torture inside were just too much. I knew at that moment if I didn’t call the Doctor right then I wouldn’t be alive when my husband came home that night. I called my GP. I don’t remember what happened for the next few hours as it’s a bit of a blur, but I was in his doctor’s office within roughly 15 minutes.  I remember telling my husband I’d been to see them and then the next day started treatment.

It would be too long a story to say here the thoughts, feelings and terror that came along with my inevitable confession to my parents, even at 30 years old! I felt I was telling the people I loved the most I was a huge liar. My whole life was based on a lie. Telling my parents was the single scariest thing I have ever done, or I think will ever have to do.  In my mind it had built up so much over 15 years that not much could compare to that.

I knew it would cause them hurt and upset too. I under stood this more than anything now, being a mother myself.

I thought at the time a quick appointment might fix, me but I ended up with 9 months of treatment that ultimately saved my life. Followed by several years of further personal development work, some more therapy, work with various healing modalities and learning to accept what had happened, which has ultimately led me to help many people. For this, I am truly blessed.

In my period of recovery, I re-trained as a Personal trainer – it was a good distraction and I noticed the massive benefits that taking care of your well-being has on mental health.  Fit & Fabulous was born and I ran the company very successfully for 11 years until the business transitioned to Celestial Soul in 2019. I realized that I wanted to shift my focus towards what I call the ‘Head and Heart work’, to help my clients get more impactful results.

The experiences I’ve been through would never beat me. 

I refused to give up, I can tell you now, some days all I did was fantasise about how good it would feel to take my life. I so very wrongly thought it would be for the best for those I loved around me.

All I saw at the time was the amount of pain I caused my husband and family. My marriage suffered massively. He suffered massively. It was heartbreaking to know how I was feeling caused him so much hurt. My children suffered from having a mother who wasn’t coping well. He picked up the slack.

He was and continues to be my rock, my guardian angel, an incredible father and saviour. I’ll be forever grateful that he stuck around when many would have run a mile. Since then, we’ve been through so much more but we are grounded in such a deep love and respect for each other having been to the worst possible places as a team. I can hand on heart say we have a PHENOMENAL marriage, which I am extremely proud of.

Having overcome those traumatic years and having done further work on myself, I was finally at a place where I felt safe enough in my own body that I had capacity to realise that I wasn’t straight and found further liberation coming out.

The ultimate acceptance and liberation for me was realising my sexuality was more than just a fantasy and I knew I couldn’t stay in the closet. Hiding who I was had caused me damage in the past and I refuse to do it again.

I identify as Queer, Polyamorous and use pronouns they/she which honors the very fluid parts of me that feel other than my interpretation of feminine and be free from binary conditioning, that through exploring my sexuality away from hetronormativity, I have realized doesn’t align for me and impacted my relationship with my body.

I didn’t dare imagine for one second back then I could have the following:

An incredible marriage that is fulfilling radically honest and allows space for all aspects of each other unconditionally.

Loving who I am. Being confident and happy in my body and having a healthy mind and relationship with food simultaneously.

Confidence when it comes to sex, my sexuality, sensuality and being completely seen during sexual iterations and owing my queerness.

The strength to be in my integrity in all aspects of life and open to receiving its abundance with ease.

And last but no means least - the honour to be supporting others in their exploration of all that they are and all they desire to be through my work.

The transition from a mentally unwell, angry and dysfunctional girl to the person I am today has taken great strength, courage, forgiveness, acceptance, hard work to keep living and quite honestly, plain pig stubbornness at times. It’s not always easy and the journey of doing this work is never complete. WE ARE ALL WORK IN PROGRESS, walking each other home.

I know I lived this experience, so I could help others discover that even in the most difficult of times, you can reconnect back to yourself. Discover who you’re meant to be and live a life that totally lights you up.

I hope my story helps you in some way xx