Stop The Shaming

Wow!!

The image with this post was something I saw on Insta. It hit me like a truck! It says…

“When you interrupt a girls school day to force her to change her clothes, or send her home because her bra straps are visible, you are telling her that making sure boys have a “distraction free” learning environment is more important than her education. Instead of shaming girls for their body, teach boys that girls are not sexual objects”

I remember this a lot when I was in school... It was the 90’s, but still. I wonder how much of this attitude is alive in school as a girl today.

I guess I’ll find out soon as my daughter starts secondary in September.
Though prising her out of trackies, and her being a strong feminist already, will make for interesting times!

Wow betide anyone that tries to shame her in to anything! Boundaries of steel that little one! Especially around how she dresses! #proud

I also wonder how this knocks on in to work life for women. Initially I was thinking in the corporate world but after thinking on it more I think in many work environments.

I don’t think that it would be an over exaggeration to suggest that the attitude towards women, both woman to woman. And man to woman is absolutely a reflection of what a woman wears.

Skirt too short, too boobie, too sexy, to fitted, too individual, too much…

I lean towards an armor of Lycra as I work out a lot. I use the word armor as I became aware about 2 years ago that my gym gear is/was very much a form of protection for me.

It was most definitely wrapped up in identities I held about myself when I owned my Personal Training studio. But went back to when I was a teenager. Our identities are a form of protection. They stop us being shown for who we really are and keep us in a feeling of ‘safety’.

Even When my body wasn’t where I was comfortable being I felt ‘safe’ in that uniform as it represented strength and my achievement in my career. But also meant I was fairly invisible. By that I mean the real me was invisible. It showed no individuality, which ultimately meant less venerability for me.

It’s one of the things I’m actively working on shedding presently in my personal development work on myself. I’m coming up for 2 years in to that particular journey so far. I have come far! But I am aware I still have work to do there.

My relationship with clothes is deeply ingrained from teen years and even judgments I feel now.

I had a fab chat last week with Imogen Loveday Styling when we were going over the content for her workshop as part of my Pussy Power course. Clothing is never just about fashion. Immy is really passionate about the holistic side of styling and how clothes make you feel rather than necessarily look.

I am getting loads better as I work on these aspects of my self by my dress sense for a long time has been heavily censored. I had a lot of fear and shame wrapped up the full expression of who I am.

What I would choose to wear if I was entirely embracing my personal style would be likely ‘too much’ - my words not hers! lol. But that’s what I was taught by peoples throw away comments and how I was treated. I’m sure many of you can relate!

My preferred (more authentic) style is pretty out there and definitely not conventional for village life. (I live in a tiny village on the Kent/E Sussex border)

When I was younger I was much freer. I was actually fairly liberated in terms of my clothes choice. I think that wasn’t all necessarily from the most empowered place at the time. But there was a lot of judgment in what I wore.

I remember as a teen, I had big boobs for my size for a while. It can be tricky to dress them. There were always comments. Girls weren’t particularly fans In fact in my late teens, some were awful too me and even put me in a lot of danger, and there was a lot of inappropriate commentary from men.

When I first started to try and talk about being raped often one of the first question is “what we’re you wearing” or “were you drunk” I’ve heard this many times with other women too! And from women!

I have heard so many times people say it doesn’t matter what someone wears, they aren’t asking for it but the truth is that a large portion of society doesn’t view the world that way.

Many judgments are passed based on how we look.

It’s not surprising over time we change our style to make others feel more comfortable or conform, or relieve ourselves from others projections. That is NOT positive though. It actually stunts your creativity and disconnects you from your truest, bright shining self! I so so admire people that utterly own their individuality!

Really it’s irrelevant what you wear and how you dress as to how you should be treated.

I’d be heart broken to think this attitude still exists in education and spaces where young people hang out.

Our young years are so fragile when it comes to learning and developing in to who we really are. Learning about ourselves, our style and what makes us, us. It doesn’t take much for that to be altered when others project their feelings on to young minds.

It is also as relevant in how you see yourself, and how you dress to reflect that. I encourage you to work through what you need to, to fully embrace you and all that you are. As a complete individual.

It’s time we stopped shaming our kids, shaming each other and shaming ourselves.

We have to respect ourselves enough to listen to that self critical language when it arises, and demand it from others.

I really hope this statement is one that’s dated and not happening in schools now.

What do you think?

Big Love
Nikki xx