Forgiveness

One of my biggest themes the universe sent me for 2019 was forgiveness.

It’s popped up in small places and in giant holes. Forgiveness was never something I was good at before. In fact I was an A* student at being the total opposite. I didn’t think I could forgive certain things that had occurred in my life.

As much as I tried I would still feel some kind of holding back and never quite giving all of me after I’d been hurt/upset in what ever way. I also realized how un trusting I am of nearly everyone.

I could hold a grudge and never forget something. I had an awareness of it but couldn’t get to the bottom of why. Which was really frustrating.

Through working with my my life coaching clients and my own life experiences, I have started to question if we really need to know the why behind our actions?

What I do believe is important is knowing what your values in life are. What will make you feel most content and happy.

What if, really knowing your key life values was a perfect foundation to your happiness and inner peace? Then by working on awareness of behaviors that don’t serve us, perhaps we don’t need the why?

But we do need to finding acceptance and letting go. My personal experience of forgiveness its that we need a multi pronged approach to reach it. Therapy if its a biggie, introspection, spiritual growth, personal development, movement and energy work like Reiki.

If I were to dissect my thought process around forgiveness t would look something like this:

ACTION - What happened and what did this action make me feel XYZ (Eg: Sad, angry, alone, not good enough, unlovable)

AWARENESS OF SURFACE LEVEL FEELINGS - Whats the feeling behind the feeling: Shame, fear, reminds me of X that happened as a child, alone, rejected.

DEEPER AWARENESS OF FEELINGS: EG: Feelings behind the feelings. Fear, shame, abandoned, unlovable. Why am I beating myself up over these feelings? What do they mean for me? What are they showing me? If I stepped away from this story what would I need to let go of? How would I feel if I let that go? If I let go would that take me from being OUT of alignment with my life values to IN alignment with my life values?

ANSWERS: How can I sooth these feelings? What would make me feel safe and peaceful? How can I show myself some compassion and self love./respect? What does my inner child need to feel comforted and nurtured? Is it possible the WHY things happened and why we feel things, totally blocks us from moving forwards. Away from these feeling and in to forgiveness? Do I need to forgive myself for anything.

Big questions around this for me are:

IF I MOVE IN TO FORGIVENESS WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR ME?
WHAT INTERNAL STORY IS HOLDING ON TO THIS SERVING?
WHO AM I WITH OUT THIS?

For me one of my main life values is to have inner peace. If I carry grudges, anger, resentment, frustration ect. How ever well deserved it could potentially be, I am not in alignment and therefor not serving myself. The bigger impact of that is I wont manifest more happiness and peace.

Holding on to our past and peoples actions against us does nothing to help us.

It’s not going to help us be happier and achieve our goals. In fact if its something on repeat if your mind and your projecting that to the universe you attract me things that don’t serve you.

To raise vibration and expand as a person we need to put out what we want to attract.

I am in no way saying this is easy at all, or necessarily quick. Though I do believe some enormous shifts can begin in a split second, as quick as making a decision.

Its a choice to step towards being happier and free.

I’ve worked really hard the last few years on over coming some deep rooted feelings but doing that shadow work was worth it but reaching forgiveness on some things has been liberating.

I’m not there on them all yet but that’s ok too.

Another thing I do know is when you can come at a situation with empathy, compassion and love for yourself, we can really live a calmer more peaceful existence.

Leading with love removes all of negative feelings quicker, and with more ease

Forgiveness doesn’t mean your a mug, a walk over or that even the cause of your anguish is by any means acceptable.

But it does allow you to love yourself a bit more, work in partnership with your ego and not have it run the show keeping you stuck in this perceived place of safely.

Its an act of liberation. Self respect. Boundary setting and ultimately, kindness towards yourself to create a better future.

I hope this was helpful. Please be mindful I am not a psychiatrist or councilor. This is my experience from my personal life, and working with clients over the last 12 years along with discussions with friends and family.

Big Love
Nikki xx