“Relationship are containers for growth. You could call it conscious coupling. Not falling in to relationships'“ Kim Anami

I was listening to the podcast Orgasmic Enlightenment by Kim Anami yesterday. It was called Super-Power Couples. I’ll share the link here in case you’d like to listen to it.

Very near the beginning I heard her say the sentence at the top here. It really hit home for me so much for many reasons.

Having worked with women for over 10 years wither in a fitness capacity or as a life coach, and any other modalities that I practice, its stuck out to me for sometime how not everyone has a relationship that is a container for growth.

Also that can mean different things to different people.

For me being ‘a container for growth’ looks a lot like this:

• Being open enough that you can receive your partner coming to you with anything on their mind without dropping in to ego or being defensive or judgmental.

• Its being supportive and holding space for your partner without needing to fix or do anything

• Its supporting a partners personal development without limiting them, fearing they will out grow you

• Its being prepared to grow with your partner if you wish to stay together and not being stuck in your ways.

• Its accepting all parts of someone

• Its unconditional love. Real UNCONDITIONAL love.

• Its putting the work in to yourself so you bring your best self to the partnership.

• Its accepting your flaws and working on them to be your best self for you

• Its understanding what your needs are and being able to communicate them with compassion and empathy.

• Being brave enough to honor your boundaries regardless of fears that may come up for you.

• I think finally, its knowing when to walk away and being brave enough to do it.

A little on that last point. I’ve been brought up to think marriage is forever. My parents have been married for 40+++ years. I’m sure they had their ups and down but we’ve been raised to believe you don’t throw something out if its broken or not working right now. When things get tough you work through things.

I am also very happily married. I have been with my husband for 20 years and married for 11. We have 2 kids currently 13 and nearly 11. My values and beliefs around marriage were always very strong. I’m so grateful we have the relationship we do. Its taken work and communication, and a lot of unconditional love.

What I have learnt from observing friends and clients is that sometimes relationships don’t always work and sometimes, the greatest growth comes from ending things when its not right and not being scared of that change. Staying in a relationship your not happy in, and not being honest with your partner is neither a container for growth or fair on either party. Life is so short, why waste it! Yours or someone else’s life.

I’ve also learnt that a really happy marriage, that is a container for growth, looks like very things to different people. Its not necessarily whats deemed traditional. In fact maybe the unconventional brings the greatest growth?

Supporting each other. Accepting each other for who you really are, allowing growth and freedom to expand and experience life, with total unconditional love and is just the coolest and most empowering place to be.

I’d love to know what are your non negotiable’s for being able to grow in your relationship. Or what are your blocks your currently facing?

Big Love
Nikki xx

PS: I haven’t listened to any other of her podcasts but I’m sure they’ll be enlightening. I’ll post some of my absolute faves over the coming weeks and months.